If you're a Christian woman, you've heard the scripture, "wives submit to your husbands". Soon after Justin and I got engaged, I began the process of learning what a good wife, a righteous wife, a submissive wife looked like; how she acted, how she reacted, and how she lived. I made it my goal to be a submissive wife, as an act of sacrifice to the Lord. And that is what I thought submission looked like, sacrifice.
I was under the impression that submission meant allowing my husband to make all the decisions, handle the finances, and pursue all his dreams while I sat back and watched, cheering him on. I was partially correct, but very off-base. I held back from doing things that I really enjoyed. I didn't pursue advancement in my nursing career, because after all, it's the wife's job to maintain the home. I didn't make many friends, because, I had him. He was the only friend I needed. My emotions were tied to his behaviors and decisions. After a few years of this, I was miserable. I had become like another child to him, someone to take care of. If I wasn't happy, it was his fault. If the bills weren't paid, it was his fault. If my life was missing anything, it was his fault, because I had placed him in control of it. If he was away from the home, I was sad and worried. In my attempt to be a submissive wife, I made myself miserable and gave him the blame. Instead of having a cheerful loving wife to come home to, he had a drained, emotional, clingy wife to take care of when he got home. If this sounds at all like your marriage, be encouraged! There is a better way to live!
Today, I can say with confidence that my happiness does not depend on what my husband does or does not do. He has also been changing for the better, in his own pursuit of becoming the man God called him to be, but my security doesn't hang in the balance of his decisions and presence. I love him and want him around, but I don't NEED him with me for me to be happy.
What changed? I realized submission in marriage does not mean that my only purpose in life is to be a wife. I have many purposes. I have gifts, skills, talents and abilities that are unique to me. I am the only ME God ever made, and I have a calling to fulfill. I began to write. I discovered that I love writing. I started a blog :) I made friends, and actually had coffee dates with them! I went to the spa, I scheduled time for myself. I expressed my dreams, desires and needs to him. I spent time with God, allowing him to speak into my life, to reveal the woman he had created me to be. And when His love was so full in me, I couldn't help but to pour it out on others. I became someone other women could turn to in times of need. I found purpose in life.
Nowadays, Justin doesn't have to take care of me. If something is missing in my life, I talk to God about it. Where there once was a lonely, emotional, wimpy woman, there is now a strong, friendly, fun-loving, purpose-filled woman. I love my life, I love my friends, I love my husband, and I'm sure I've made it a little easier for him to love me. I've become a joy to be around, not an anchor. His love, not his ball-and-chain. When we talk, we share stories about what God is doing in each of our lives, individually and as a couple. I run alongside him, not behind him.
I still have weak moments, as anyone does. And he has no problem being there for me. I also am strong enough to be there for him when he needs someone to encourage him. I still have things I would like to change about him and our marriage, and we will continue to improve it every year, but there is a joy and stability in my life that has made all the difference. I am still a submissive wife, supporting him in all his endeavors, but I also pursue my own. I am still dependent, but now I depend on God. God is my rock, Justin is my husband, my love, my friend.
Still having a hard time agreeing with me? Read up on the Proverbs 31 example of a noble wife.
Submission is not sacrificing all you've ever wanted. It is not being weak and keeping your mouth shut. It is not putting up with mistreatment, abuse, or neglect. It is simply being in support of your husbands mission; which does not revoke your right to have a mission as well!
The second part of the scripture speaks to the husbands; and that is for another blog post, another day :)
Have an awesome week, and as usual, send your stories, questions and comments to mindy@impactcity.tv or justin@impactcity.tv
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