During a recent service at Impact City Church, many couples turned in their questions on marriage. We were able to answer a few of them live during the service, but for the rest of you, we promised to answer right here in our blog. So here are your relation-TIPS:
Q: How do you continue to forgive over and over?
A: Great question. Jesus was also asked a similar question during his time on earth. In Matthew 18:21, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times."
Jesus went on to tell a parable, a story, that painted the picture of forgiveness. You can read that for yourself, and I would highly encourage you to! The truth is, forgiveness is not easy for anyone, but the one who can continually remember how much they have been forgiven of will find it a little less difficult.
When I have a tough time forgiving Justin, I have to stop and remember just how many times a day my Heavenly Father forgives me. How many times have I let him down? Countless. And will God ever give up on me? Never. So, therefore, I can't give up on my spouse, or anyone else for that matter.
How do you continually forgive? By focusing on how much you've been forgiven.
Q: As a husband, its hard to just listen to my wife and not solve her problems. Why are women this way?!?
A: I'm laughing and hurting with you buddy. Women are very different from men, and there are things about your spouse you will have to learn to love without understanding. Women release stress by talking. They connect by talking. They build relationships by talking. They simply want to talk, and they want YOU to talk back, but they don't need your advice every time! When a man is stressed, he works out, or eats, plays basketball, goes fishing, etc. He does something physical to release the stress. A woman doesn't work that way. She needs to get those thoughts that are cramped up in her brain OUT! Once they are out, she usually feels better, unless of course you have taken advantage of her vulnerability and told her how she needs to change, or what she needs to do, or how insignificant her problems are; at which point her stress levels rise, and she feels unloved and misunderstood. If you want to be your wife's hero, LISTEN TO HER, ask her questions, and use this powerful phrase as much as possible: "I understand". She needs to know you're on her side. She can take on the world with your support, but without it, she feels like the world is on her shoulders.
Q: How vital is talking the talk when walking the walk? Is saying "I love you" as important as displaying it?
A: Your spouse has a love language, and so do you. There are five different ways people show love. They are explained in depth in Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages. I highly recommend every married couple read it. If your husband's love language is words, you can be "doing" all the actions in the world, but without words of affirmation, they aren't feeling loved. If your wife's love language is quality time, you can give her all the gifts in the world, and tell her you love her every day, but if you don't spend TIME with her, she feels empty. So, your homework is to identify your spouse's love language, and learn to speak it daily. Here are the five: Words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch.
Here is a link to take the love languages test online, free: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
Q: How do you keep your marriage active when the two of you are completely different?
A: Thanks for bringing this one up! This is where many marriages suffer. They forget that they are meant to be different. God wired us all uniquely, and then made it natural for us to gravitate toward people who are opposite. When you and your spouse began dating, you probably LOVED how different they were. That's what attracted you about them. Then, somewhere along the line, those differences became annoying. We forget that, many times those things we don't like about our spouse, are by-products of the things we love about them. For instance, Justin is spontaneous. I loved that when we were dating, but after years of it, I realized that spontaneous people don't plan very well. I like to plan. This caused many arguments between us. I had to remember that his lack of planning is an area where I excel, and that's one reason God brought us two opposites together. I also had to realize that I would hate to be married to me, because the two of us would never have any spontaneous fun!
How do you make it work? Celebrate the good things that are different about each other. Tell her how much you love her creativity. Tell him how much you respect his passion to work. And, most importantly, learn to bend a little. Do the things your spouse likes to do, even if you don't. Go to the hockey game, wear the jersey, cheer like a maniac, and enjoy his favorite sport. Guys, take her to her favorite show, or romantic movie, and dress up for her, even if you hate wearing a tie. Show them they matter to you by doing the things that matter to them.
That's all the time I have for today, feel free to leave a comment, or question below or email me at mindy@impactcity.tv
To view the complete service from Impact City on marriage, visit: www.impactcity.tv
and click on "media". The latest message is titled, "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". Enjoy!
Have a blessed day you lovebird you!
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