Leftovers

   What if tonight when I make dinner, instead of setting the table for our family and feeding them from it, I first brought it across the street to my neighbors? Then I call some coworkers and see if they want some, they take their fill, and then I invite a new friend over to have some. All the while my husband and children are patiently waiting, asking when it is their turn. When everyone else takes what they want, I give my family the leftovers, which is barely enough to satisfy their hunger. It sounds terrible doesn’t it? Unfortunately we do this all the time; not with food, but with our time, energy and attitude.

   Most of us work a job, and give the best part of our day to making income to provide for our family’s needs. Regardless of how we feel about going to work, we muster up the energy to say “How are you?” to everyone we see walking in. We smile, listen when they talk, and provide positive feedback to make sure they know we enjoy being around them. When our friends call, we laugh with them, joke with them and share memories we cherish. The work itself and mental energy it takes to give our best can be so draining that we look forward to getting home and letting our guard down. Even worse, many times we’ve picked up some baggage at work that we didn’t bring up there, but we need to let it out, so we dump it on our spouse. It sounds something like “You won’t believe the day I’ve had. You remember Joey blabbermouth I told you about? Well listen to what he said today……….” It’s called diarrhea of the mouth, and it seems to climax around those we love. Then if there is any anger we’ve kept in all day and suppressed, we find a very good reason to take it out on our disobedient children, careless husband, or frivolously spending wife. Then we wonder why our closest relationships are the hardest to deal with. We are giving them the “leftovers”.

   How can we reverse this? Quit your job. Haha, that would be nice but unfortunately, your wife does not enjoy living on the streets either. So what we need to do is ensure that our spouse is not just getting us at our worst, but also seeing us at our best! That is intentionality! You have to be intentional to say positive things more often than you say negative around them. Use those same people skills you use at work to make your spouse feel special. Ask them how they are doing, and then actually LISTEN to the answer. Look them in the eye, put the phone down, hold their hand. When they come to you asking for a favor, treat them as you would a coworker. Don’t interrupt, give that look (ladies), or comeback with an ultimatum.

  Other ways to ensure that we are giving our spouse the best of us, is to have real dates. I don’t mean you get a sitter and go grocery shopping together. I mean you plan a romantic evening, dress nice for each other, and refuse to argue the whole night. Justin and I pray as soon as we get in the car for our dates, that we make it through the night without arguing. Then if we start to feel the tension rising, we stop and pray again. I cannot emphasize the importance of prayer in a marriage. If you aren’t yet comfortable praying with your spouse, pray individually, or take a moment to determine that your next words and actions will be loving.

   Date night does not have to be expensive, but it must be planned. I like to do a web search for fun date night ideas, which usually include some sort of intentional discussion between us during the date. Some nights we would go to a coffee shop and interview each other some questions we had come up with in advance. One night we played Pictionary at a local coffee shop. One night we had a silly photo shoot at the mall, daring each other to pose with manikins, plants, and workers. The goal is to have fun together, and make a memory.

   Give your spouse the best of you today, and plan for a time this week for a romantic date. If you need to dump, do it in prayer to God, He doesn’t get overwhelmed and He already knows your stresses. Have a great week and don’t forget I love to hear your feedback and stories!