Bringing Out the Hero in Him

   I was jamming to one of my favorite old country songs, “Stand By Your Man”, singing my heart out in the car. Then came the verse “after all, he’s just a man” and I thought, I would never say that about my husband. JUST a man? This is the problem many women have when talking about their husbands. They share stories and make comments that make their husband sound more like a child or an unruly dog than the man that stole their heart.

   Truth is, the way we talk about our spouse, whether they are present or not, makes a big difference on how they act, and how they see themselves in our presence. If you talk to your husband like he is a child, he will act like a child. If you talk about him like he is a nuisance when you’re with your girlfriends, he may not hear it, but he will feel your lack of respect.

       Many husbands these days are struggling with passivity, and it is not because that’s the way they want to be. Maybe he has tried to be your hero, and you put him down. Maybe he tried to be romantic, and you weren’t in the mood. Maybe he tried to make you smile, and you rolled your eyes. Maybe he tried to wash the dishes, and he didn’t do it right. A man will only put out that kind of effort for so long without finding himself frustrated and unmotivated.

      Many marriages get to the brink of divorce because of a lack of respect. The man undervaluing their wife, or the woman trying to emasculate their husband. You didn’t marry a woman, and you don’t want him to act like one, so stop trying to make your husband be like you. He may not have the multitasking abilities you do, but there are skills he brings to the table that you cannot.

       Think back to the beginning when you loved all the things that made him different from you. You laughed at his jokes, rejoiced in his victories, and lost yourself in his eyes. Don’t let the pressures of life take that from you two. Don’t let the business of your day keep you from stopping to stare into each others’ eyes for more than a moment. When he makes an attempt, whether it is the way you would do it or not, appreciate it and let him know you do. Make an effort to tell him what you respect and admire about him more often. And as always, pray for him daily. Then watch, as the man of your dreams rises to the occasion, trying harder every day to make you happy.

   Sadly, many men are finding the respect they long for outside of their marriage; praise from the boss, compliments from the secretary, at-a-boys from the guys. I am not saying this is by any means reason for them to act immorally, I am saying one way we can strive to affair-proof our marriage is to resist the temptation to disrespect our spouses; whether they are present or not. 

     There are some circumstances in which a woman must choose to value and protect herself by leaving an abusive, cheating or violent man. If you find yourself in an abusive situation, your next step is to talk with a pastor or counselor and look into aborting mission.

    I am still a wife in progress, but I have seen the difference between the seasons when I was more respectful, and when I allowed my stresses and frustrations to drain the respect for my husband right out of me. There is so much to be said on this topic, more than a simple blog, but if we can start with respect, merited or not, we will start to see our hero, our noble prince, find his strength and energy to defeat dragons for us once again.

   Now I understand after all this, you're thinking about all the ways he could bring out the best, or better princess in you. Stay tuned....I just may have Justin write up a few words for the men out there ;)