To-Do: Enjoy my life!

      Anyone out there have trouble balancing pleasure and productivity? It is a challenge that many people don’t realize they are failing in. Those of you like me are so focused on being productive, that you have to remind yourself to stop and smell the roses. Our super fast-paced life tells us we need to accomplish everything TODAY or the productivity police will come arrest us. If there is anything left on our to-do list at the end of the day, we’ve failed. The trouble is, for most of us, there will always be more to do than we can accomplish in one day. The minute we settle in for relaxation, we see the mess on the floor, we remember that the light bulbs in the bathroom need changed, or that we promised to call Aunt Suzie.

     Let me allow you a glimpse into Mindyland for a moment, I think you will relate to the busyness. I have four small children, work as a nurse, maintain the house, homeschool my son, and run a ministry. There is ALWAYS something to be done, and an area I am behind in. After attempting the impossible for a few years, I realized that striving for productivity can steal your joy, and make you a very difficult person to live with! I was so focused on my to-do list that I didn’t have time for Justin to stop and hug me on his way in from work. There was hamburger that needed stirred. I didn’t have time to sit and chat after dinner, there were dirty dishes all over the kitchen. Are you getting the picture? If this is you, I plead you to slow down long enough to read the rest of this post! I found myself so miserable, waiting for someone to come take something off my plate so that I could be happy. Here’s the harsh truth, regardless of your situation: if you are waiting for someone to do something in order for you to be happy, you’re going to be waiting your entire life. There will always be something that steals your joy if you don’t take control of it yourself. 

    What was I waiting for? I was waiting for Justin to read my mind, know what I need help with, and then whisk me away on a romantic date. Trouble is, he is not a mind reader! Hence the need for communication. After a few long conversations, and a few heated arguments, we came to the conclusion that I needed to slow down bit, be willing to put down my to-do list, and schedule some enjoyment in my life! So what did I do?

   

   Well today, when I notice myself getting down, frustrated easily, and in a “funk” as I call it, I schedule some pleasure into my life. I’ll plan a date night with Justin, and being the creative one in the marriage, I even plan the activities that will make fun memories, and cultivate the romance! If the funds are low, you can plan a fun night at home once the kids go to bed. I schedule coffee time with friends on a regular basis to get my “girl time” and do that healthy venting that us ladies need to do. And I plan time to be alone, whether it is early morning in my kitchen, an afternoon nap, or an evening at the spa, I make sure I get the necessary quiet time. 

   Mindy, you say, my husband is the productive one. He never takes me on dates, and can’t take his mind off his work. My response is, don’t give him a choice! That man is your husband and he belongs to you. You are just as responsible for the happiness of the marriage as he is. Ask him which night works best for his schedule, then plan a night of fun, memory making, and hitting the sheets, like every good marriage needs! I promise he won’t regret getting a little behind on work :)

  I firmly believe that God wants you to have breaks. He wants you to enjoy your life. The God who created the heavens and earth rested on the seventh day. Jesus spent time alone, praying and resting from the crowds that followed him. What makes you think you can get through life without ample rest? If you’re still hesitant, do it for a week, and trust God to help you with all those things you feel behind on. When we live our lives based on his ways, and his example, it blesses God and allows him to make up for our lack. If you are stubborn enough to keep trekking on in your own strength and agenda, don’t expect God to interrupt you, but do expect that at some point you will reach a breaking point, and he will be there to get you back on track. 

  Have a blessed, joyful week!

  

   

Leftovers

   What if tonight when I make dinner, instead of setting the table for our family and feeding them from it, I first brought it across the street to my neighbors? Then I call some coworkers and see if they want some, they take their fill, and then I invite a new friend over to have some. All the while my husband and children are patiently waiting, asking when it is their turn. When everyone else takes what they want, I give my family the leftovers, which is barely enough to satisfy their hunger. It sounds terrible doesn’t it? Unfortunately we do this all the time; not with food, but with our time, energy and attitude.

   Most of us work a job, and give the best part of our day to making income to provide for our family’s needs. Regardless of how we feel about going to work, we muster up the energy to say “How are you?” to everyone we see walking in. We smile, listen when they talk, and provide positive feedback to make sure they know we enjoy being around them. When our friends call, we laugh with them, joke with them and share memories we cherish. The work itself and mental energy it takes to give our best can be so draining that we look forward to getting home and letting our guard down. Even worse, many times we’ve picked up some baggage at work that we didn’t bring up there, but we need to let it out, so we dump it on our spouse. It sounds something like “You won’t believe the day I’ve had. You remember Joey blabbermouth I told you about? Well listen to what he said today……….” It’s called diarrhea of the mouth, and it seems to climax around those we love. Then if there is any anger we’ve kept in all day and suppressed, we find a very good reason to take it out on our disobedient children, careless husband, or frivolously spending wife. Then we wonder why our closest relationships are the hardest to deal with. We are giving them the “leftovers”.

   How can we reverse this? Quit your job. Haha, that would be nice but unfortunately, your wife does not enjoy living on the streets either. So what we need to do is ensure that our spouse is not just getting us at our worst, but also seeing us at our best! That is intentionality! You have to be intentional to say positive things more often than you say negative around them. Use those same people skills you use at work to make your spouse feel special. Ask them how they are doing, and then actually LISTEN to the answer. Look them in the eye, put the phone down, hold their hand. When they come to you asking for a favor, treat them as you would a coworker. Don’t interrupt, give that look (ladies), or comeback with an ultimatum.

  Other ways to ensure that we are giving our spouse the best of us, is to have real dates. I don’t mean you get a sitter and go grocery shopping together. I mean you plan a romantic evening, dress nice for each other, and refuse to argue the whole night. Justin and I pray as soon as we get in the car for our dates, that we make it through the night without arguing. Then if we start to feel the tension rising, we stop and pray again. I cannot emphasize the importance of prayer in a marriage. If you aren’t yet comfortable praying with your spouse, pray individually, or take a moment to determine that your next words and actions will be loving.

   Date night does not have to be expensive, but it must be planned. I like to do a web search for fun date night ideas, which usually include some sort of intentional discussion between us during the date. Some nights we would go to a coffee shop and interview each other some questions we had come up with in advance. One night we played Pictionary at a local coffee shop. One night we had a silly photo shoot at the mall, daring each other to pose with manikins, plants, and workers. The goal is to have fun together, and make a memory.

   Give your spouse the best of you today, and plan for a time this week for a romantic date. If you need to dump, do it in prayer to God, He doesn’t get overwhelmed and He already knows your stresses. Have a great week and don’t forget I love to hear your feedback and stories!