Find a Marriage Buddy

   If you want to get in shape, there are a million ways to do so: magical shakes, super pills, giant gyms, you name it. These are all great tools, but when you are tired from a long day, that DVD isn’t going to yell at you to get up and shake it. When that doughnut is gazing into your eyes, saying “one won’t hurt”, your super shake isn’t going to scream from the fridge “don’t do it! He’s a liar!” The way people are having success in losing weight, or getting in shape is by having an accountability partner or group. Someone to hold them to their goals, challenge them, and continue to cast the vision for them. Now, if you want to get in shape, and you call me up to ask me to be your accountability partner, I’m going to have to decline. Why? Because I had three desserts yesterday and these feet haven’t stepped into a gym in years. I would be a terrible example for you. But I can probably recommend someone that would help you along the way.

  This is the same in marriage. We cannot go through life expecting to have an incredible marriage that lasts a lifetime without having someone holding us accountable to being a great husband or wife. When we’re tempted to stray, that marriage book won’t keep you faithful to your spouse. One of the greatest decisions Justin and I made early in our marriage was to surround ourselves with couples that had what we wanted. When I had a question or hit a rough spot, I knew I could call on one of several women for advice and they wouldn’t judge me, or spread my gossip around town. Many times the advice wasn’t easy to hear, but it was true. I also gave them permission to speak into my life when they sensed something unhealthy in our marriage.

    There were also seasons in my life when I felt like I had nobody to turn to. Looking around at my association, I didn’t see anyone who had the type of relationship I wanted, so I kept to myself, and our relationship suffered because of it. It is so vital to have someone in your life that you can turn to BEFORE everything hits the fan. BEFORE you give your number to your coworker for a “platonic” lunch. BEFORE you get so far into your pornography addiction that it takes months of therapy to get you out.

    Here is the litmus test. Is there something that you are doing that you feel like you can’t tell your spouse? If that is the case, there needs to be someone you can call up and confess this to that will give you the advice you need.  Ideally, you confess it to your spouse, and work through it either together, or with the help of a marriage counselor. There is nothing shameful about getting marriage counseling. I know many solid couples who go in for marriage check-ups just to ensure that they are doing everything they can to keep their marriage solid, and get new ideas on how to keep it passionate. If you don’t feel like you can confess to your spouse, then you need to contact someone who has the type of marriage you want. Don’t call your best friend who is still playing the dating game. Don’t call Aunt Suzie who just ended marriage number fourteen. If you have to, call that person you barely know from church or small group, but who you know could help you, and ask if they are open to giving you some time. I highly doubt they will turn you down.

   Many times, the simple act of confession can help you stop doing what is unhealthy. When you’re having thoughts that you know are dangerous in marriage, get them out in the light.

  Some examples of times you may need to talk to an accountability partner are: you aren’t attracted to your spouse anymore, you have been getting excited about going to work simply because you will see that woman/man, you have been checking out some things online to “get you in the mood” or take care of what your spouse isn’t giving you, you have been having regular conversations with someone of the opposite sex and they aren’t so platonic anymore. These are just a few examples, but take the litmus test. What are you doing/thinking that you cannot tell your spouse? It will take courage to confess it, but your marriage is worth it, and can get through it. I’ve seen marriages work through incredible adversity and come out stronger than ever before on the other side. Be a man or woman of courage and fight for your marriage.

 

Challenge: Assess your association. Do you have someone in your life that has the type of marriage you want? Ask if they will be your marriage workout buddy. Someone to challenge you, encourage you, pick you up when your down, and help you reach the goal of having a lasting, passionate, affair-proof marriage. Then take the litmus test and be honest with yourself.